Thoughts..

Posted on February 3, 2010

It is cold in this house. Candles have been lit to create the pretense of warmth. Hands are grasping a steaming cup of decaf. Feet are snuggled in a pair of the rattiest (and most comfortable) leopard print slippers. I know.. my fashion sense is too much for you to handle. Don’t hate me because I am on top of the trends.

But it is quiet. Quiet except for the clicking of my keyboard. Quiet except for the slight hum of electronics. Quiet except for my daughter’s crazy hamster running amuck in her cage. Quiet except for my thoughts.

And oh, how I have many of them. So very many.

If you read this blog, you will know that I undertook a 3 week social media fast. I honestly didn’t think it took up that much of my time. But what I discovered was something even more interesting/concerning. The few hours a day I spent on social media wasn’t the only time it took up space in my brain. My eyes were opened to just how much this comparison to others was affecting me.. and how, long after I was off the computer, my brain gave room to those destructive thoughts.

The I’m never going to be good enough thoughts..
The I can’t do what they do thoughts..
The I should really just give this up thoughts..
The what if I fail thoughts..

These thoughts can be related to photography, as that is the majority of twitter-ers I follow. But of course my role as a homemaker is not immune to those thoughts. Nor my role as a child of God.

See, God is good. And He knows me so well.. better than I know my own self. He knew what my thoughts were doing. He is the One who prompted the break. And during that break, I was able to fill my brain space with His truth.

I am Sarah.. the one He fearfully planned and wonderfully created.
I am a flawed human who is being redeemed by His love every day.
I love babies and light and sparkly eyes and photography.
I am good at what I do.
I have much to learn.
I am loved.

These are the thoughts that will be taking center stage. Truth. God’s thoughts about me. How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God.

And if I find myself becoming consumed again by what the world might think of me?? Back to the fast I will go. Our lives here are but a breath. And because of this fast, I can’t stand the thought of wasting one spare second on what another photographer/wife/mom/child of God/person might be thinking. Learning and growing and discovering from others is a wonderful thing, and that I will continue. Comparing and criticizing and judging myself is not and that will stop.

I might be the only one who struggles with this, but just in case I’m not, I am putting this here for all to see. There is a verse from a song by Francessa Battistelli that I will leave you with..

“Don’t take much for this crazy world to rob me of my peace.
And the enemy of my soul says You’re holding out on me.
So I stand here lifting empty hands for you to fill me up again..”

I allowed social media to rob me of my peace. Are you??

With lots and lots of love.. Sarah.

My fast is almost over..

Posted on January 29, 2010

Well, my fast from FB and Twitter has been an experience to say the least. I will save the entirety of my thoughts on the matter for next week when I post about what I learned from my absence.

Here are a few Happy’s and Sad’s that have been happening lately –

Sad’s-

*Mean girls. Go here to see what I am talking about.
*Hormones. And, really, do I need to expound on this?? My poor husband looked a bit scared yesterday when I went crazy in the car. I needed lots of Jesus time to get me through. I mean lots…
*Thinking about my life in terms of 140 characters or less. I have had so many good ones to share with you all, but I couldn’t. Oh well.
*Porcelain Tile floors.. beautiful to look at.. a bear and a half to sweep every day. Did I mention that we have tile throughout our entire house? I’m talking even the bedrooms. Get me a broom, paint me green, and call me Elphaba, because that is what I do everyday. Maybe I will turn it into a Happy and sing Defying Gravity whilst I sweep…
*Having to explain to my little Miss why she can’t have gluten for the umpteenth time, only to have her declare in a very loud voice that She. Will. Be. Eating. Gluten. When. She. Turns. 18. Hahaha.. I do love her so. I guess that is the magic age where everything I have taught her flies out of the window.. Non-Gluten goods, bikinis, the evils of sugar all free for the taking.. Dear Jesus, I hope not.

Ok.. let’s get Happy, shall we??
*The hubs going out and getting me one small bag of peanut butter m&m’s… I do love HIM so… and only crave those suckers once a month. (See second Sad post above)
*Naps. The end.
*Good books. (I will be compiling a list of my fave reads very soon.. stay tuned!)
*Beth Moore’s bible teaching. AMEN!!! That woman brings it every time, and I have so so needed to hear it.
*My sisa, sushi, and Sally’s Beauty Supply.. I mean, how could that not be a happy?

Ok, my people. I will be back bright and early Monday morning to give you the run down of what’s been going on. I’m so excited y’all!!

Goodbye Twitter and Facebook…

Posted on January 11, 2010

For 21 days.

Yes.. you thought I was ending it all, but alas I’m not. I am participating in a church wide fast that will end on the 31st of January.

See, because of my illnesses (fibro, migraines, DVT) I have to abstain from a billion different food groups. Ok.. maybe not a billion, but some days it sure feels as if the list is ohsoverylong. So, fasting from food wouldn’t be a sacrifice since I have to do that every day of my life.

I also thought about t.v., but I truly don’t watch a ton of it and…I have a DVR. Friends.. I know myself! I would just record all the shows and spend the entirety of February catching up. Not such a great plan!

So, I kept pondering and praying.. What is the thing You want me to leave for a bit God?

The urge to give up social media was almost immediate.

Dangit..

I don’t really want to. (Insert visual of 2 year old stomping her tiny foot..)

I have the very loud thought, spinning round this brain, that I will most decidedly be missing out ON EVERYTHING! I will not know what is happening anywhere. I won’t know which new photography products are all the rage. I won’t know where my friends are at every minute of the day. I will not know who bought a puppy, who’s relationship ended, who is now engaged, which friends are twitpic-ing super fun things… I mean, the list is truly endless of all the things I. Will. Not. Know.

And that is one of the very reasons I believe God has asked me to give it up for 21 days. This flawed human being so fills her head with everything that everyone else is doing. And sometimes that overtakes the wonder of what God is doing in my very own life. This comparision junkie needs rehab…

So, I am off to find that wonder. I am going to get on these knees that are messed UP from years of roller skating.. well.. really years of falling, but that is another story for another time. I’m going to get myself facedown so I can seek My Saviour. It won’t be a 24/7 thing.. but every time I have the urge to check out Twitter or Facebook or Bloglines, I am committed to finding a way that draws me nearer to the heart of God… praying, praising, journaling, whatever He asks of me.

Of course you can still contact me through my cell or business email, and I might possibly blog some thoughts along the way. As of 5 minutes ago, I have turned off all notifications, so if you ask me a question through one of those sites.. I won’t be answering until January 31st.

It is drastic. Some may tell me it’s unnecessary, or extreme. But there is no way on this earth, I am going to miss out on what God has for me. If not participating in social media for a few weeks is the thing… I’m all in.

See you on the other side. Peace out friends!

What a year it has been..

Posted on December 31, 2009

This year I have been graced with faces full of laughter, faces full of wonder, faces full of contemplation, faces full of love.. And I could go on and on. This has been my busiest year by far, and I am overwhelmed by the sheer number of San Diego families that have allowed me into their lives for the tiniest bit. Nearly 50 sessions under my belt for 2009 and I am floored. Thank you clients!! You guys rock my socks!!

I am honored that you would consider me a worthy documentor of your family moments. I pray that I can continue to do so. I love to watch your babies grow. I love watching your marriages flourish. I love watching exciting life events happen before my very eyes. I am deeply grateful for each and every one of you.

Blessings to you as we celebrate a New Year. See you soon!!

Love Happy Clients..

Where are you Christmas??

Posted on December 25, 2009

That has to be one of my all time favorite Christmas songs.. the haunting melody, the beautiful ballad. You can almost hear the Grinch’s heart softening as the song plays on. Maybe that is the reason I like that movie… it depicts a character who is so mean and so cruel and so hard.. finally softened by love.

We have had many opportunities for our hearts to get hardened over the years.. near fatal illnesses, job losses, income troubles, marriage difficulties, stress, and the mundane cruddy stuff that we all have to get through. Life is hard. Amen? More than we can take hard. I don’t think I can get out of bed hard. Maybe even I want to be done with it all hard. I have been there.. oh yes, yes I have.

But there is good news amongst the hard stuff of life..

“For unto us a child born.. “

Good good news. News that is meant to bring hope and peace and wonder and joy. But most of all Love… for you know, that is how these hard human hearts get softened.

Jesus and Jesus alone is the only reason I am standing here today.

He and He alone is the reason my heart hasn’t been hardened by life’s trials.

He and He alone is the only reason I want to celebrate Christmas..

And we do.. We drink hot cocoa and watch Christmas movies and snuggle and read our Advent and look at sparkly lights. We decorate our tree. We buy the gifts we can afford. We celebrate. We have fun.. all the while remembering why we get to.

The Tolson Family wants you to know that we appreciate each and every one of you that has come into our lives. We hope and pray that you get to experience the Love that softens the hardest of hearts.

Have a Christmas celebration full of wonder.

Sadness and a different perspective..

Posted on December 18, 2009

It is 5:30am…I just found out that Sydney Ives went to be with Jesus in November. To say that my heart is breaking is an understatement, but in no way comes close to what the Ives family is going through.

This has been a hard week. We have dealt with some difficult things as a family, among other stuff. Reading Tasha’s site for Sydney really put things in proper perspective for me.

Sydney changed many people’s lives, including mine when I got to meet her last May. Please continue to lift up this family in the midst of their grief. You can visit their site here.

My beautiful friend is having a baby..

Posted on December 1, 2009

And she asked me to take her maternity pics… *Happy Sigh*

Ren. I can’t wait to meet this little guy. He will be so loved! Thanks for hiring me and trusting me with such a special occasion. Just one for now..

Love baby bumps..

Downtown La Mesa..

Posted on November 30, 2009

Just a few.. I am absolutely slammed with holiday sessions and editing, praise the Lord!! I prayed for business, and the Lord blessed me indeed. That is why I have been absent a bit over here on the bloggy blog. I haven’t the time!!

Oh.. and we moved into a new house with 2 weeks notice.. because we are crazy. And the house was a crazy good deal. And we are crazy. I even attempted to host Thanksgiving at my house! Umm.. don’t quite know what I was thinking, but we had a splendid time…

Once I got the oven to work.. But that is a another story for another time.

This was one of those fun, easy, sweet sessions that every photographer longs for. The lighting was good. The kiddos posed perfectly. There were an abundance of smiles and giggles. Oh, and cuteness. Need I mention the cuteness??

Enjoy!!

Love Cuteness..

Old Poway Park rocks..

Posted on November 15, 2009

Meet the C family… All tan and gorgeous, in their crisp white shirts! I was not upset to take this family’s photos.

A word of advice.. if you happen to be at a place with an ampitheater, or stage of some sort, and the subjects you are photographing love to dance.. Well, please be prepared for a mighty fine show.

I was treated to some tap dancing, some swing dancing, and the kicker.. A bit of “Thriller” choreography. It was amazing, and I loved every minute of it. I would have stayed longer, but had to run off for another shoot. Bummer for me!!

Mr C. and Miss I… I sure hope you enjoyed your ketchup with a side of hamburger…. It was great to meet you all. Your gallery will be up soon.

Love Ketchup..

Just one that made me laugh out loud…

Posted on November 12, 2009

Oh. My. Word. I wanted to take her home with me. She was sassy. She was spunky. She let her momma curl her long golden hair. She asked me to get up on the amphitheater stage to sing with her. And I did.

We sang the Hannah Montana theme song.. in case you wanted to know.

And then, she made me chuckle as she started break dancing.. commanding me to take pictures of her while she was busting a move. And I did.

Her daddy is deployed and they are surprising him with pictures. I thought it was fitting to post this munchkin on Veteran’s Day, as a reminder of what a great sacrifice their Dads and Moms make to serve our country. What they might miss out on while fighting for our freedom.. I am overwhelmingly honored that I was able to capture her spirit.

I know that the ins and outs of parenting day after day is long and trying and exhausting, especially if you have to do it alone some/most/all of the time. I don’t know how military spouses do it.. I just don’t. My heart would crack in two if my 4 year old wanted to break dance and I couldn’t see it….

This session wasn’t for me. It’s not even about me. But I was blessed in spite of that.

Blessed to see a mom working really hard to raise a 4 year old and an 18 month old while Dad is gone..
Blessed to participate in a small moment of their lives..
Blessed to be able to send a package in the mail so Dad won’t miss the break dancing..

One of my favorite quotes of all times seems so fitting here.

Life is Hard. God is Good. Let’s Dance.

Love Dancing..

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